Learning from the past.

This whole poly-swing thing? Some days, it really sucks.

My Main Man and I have agreed upon rules. But relationships, they don’t follow rules. They happen when you least expect them. I should know, it’s happened to me before.

When I was married to my ex, I fell into an emotional affair with a co-worker. It became physical, yes, but it was more of an emotional affair than anything else. It gave me the strength to leave my douche-bag of an ex-husband, so it worked out in the end. Of course, the last time I saw said affair dude, I was in the middle of post-partum depression and looked like shit. That kinda sucked. Hopefully next time I’ll be more prepared.

This time, it was very different. I have no emotional hole that needs to be filled. This was an existing friendship that quickly developed into the type of relationship I wanted. Mostly about really hot freaky sex with little to no emotional attachment, and the agreement of non-monogamy; basically a fuck-buddy.

Except I’m not allowed to actually HAVE a fuck-buddy at this point. I’m allowed to flirt, kiss, and generally have a good time, but nothing beyond that.

Hormones, they are a powerful thing. Someone who makes you feel sexy and desired during the day while your kids are screaming can have a huge impact in how much you share with them. Sharing can lead to desires. Desires aren’t bad, per se, until they overwhelm you so much that you want to break rules to fulfill them.

So. Until I’m actually allowed to have a physical relationship with someone, I can’t have any type of sexual relationship (be it txting, email, or phone) with other guys.

I owe my two guys apologies. One of them a really BIG apology. I really didn’t mean (or want) to be that much of a tease. I am so very sorry.