Monday, April 21, 2014

Adventures in Online Dating

If you're not familiar with OK Cupid (OKC), you should know that they have a match % system, based upon your answers to their list of questions. It's quite interesting, and obnoxious at the same time. Interesting because you can choose how important something is to you, and what answers are acceptable/unacceptable. Obnoxious because I'm one of those people that doesn't believe everything is black and white, my answers changed based on circumstances. But it's still a good tool to get started with.

With that being said, here is one of the email conversations I've had!

Male, 48. 32% match/62% enemy (wtf? why are you even looking at my profile, idiot?):

Read your profile. Have a few questions however

Me: um, ok.

Him: I love your honesty. However are you always a potty mouth?? Lol
*For the record, there are exactly two (2!) cuss words in my profile.)
I like your pics and forwardness. Have u been used or hurt bad?

I am a drama free man. So my interest is to find a serious honest person. 

Hope we can chat.


Me: I don't use profanity as much as I used to now that I have kids. I don't think there's anything wrong with cuss words, they're just words, and they only have the power that you give them.

I've been hurt, yes. No one makes it to 40 without being hurt in some way. In my case, it's because I left a religious cult and had my bio-family turn their backs on me. I find religion... distasteful, if not harmful. 

You seem to be looking for a life partner. I am not that person.

Him: Best wishes.

I will pray for u.

Me: *block* Exactly ONE person has permission to add me to his daily prayers, and this guy is NOT it!

I'm completely upfront in the first paragraph of my profile that I'm married and in an open relationship, why men who take their monogamy very seriously are sending me messages I have no idea. I'm also clear about being an Atheist. This man is *very* monogamous and *very* religious. *shakes head at the stupidity*

For now, I've changed my profile to show that I'm only looking for women. I seem to have a plethora of men that still look at my profile and email, though. Figures.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Right. This still exists.

I should write. Or something.


I've finally come out of my normal winter hibernation/hermit-ing and I made the decision that I really want to find someone to seriously date here in the land of sunshine.

But of course, to find someone to date, that means I need to be where those people are, right? (Do you see where this is going?)

And just where are all these people that date? The INTERNET!!!! Certainly not on Fetlife, though. Fetlife is set up purposely to NOT be a dating site. And I love that about Fet. TMAME has been on OKCupid for almost two years now, and it's fairly poly & kinky friendly, so that's where I am now.

I've had my account for less than two weeks and I've been on one first date, have another first date set up for tomorrow night, and a second date with the first guy set up for this weekend. I had another guy email me today that I'd like to consider, and I will definitely email him, but I have ZERO time to go actually meet more people this week!

So you know, dating. Bleh.

But damn have I had to delete a lot of emails! I even blocked someone already! Mostly I just don't respond/delete the emails I get. Just a few have gotten through. TMAME pointed out that the emails that I like are more like little love letters, witting and charming, and I completely agree. Make me laugh, say things that show me you've actually read my profile, you're in! I will respond! Maybe two/three days later, but I will get to it.

I did have someone finally get all huffy with me because I didn't respond to his first email and send me a second "why haven't you responded, you're so adorable!" email today. He got a very short response, probably not the one he was looking for. Heh.

Anyway. Adventures in Dating. Woot.

I did have a great weekend in Seattle last month with Daddy. We did a full suspension that was Ah-MA-zing! And then a few weeks later, TMAME and I went to BoD here locally and I played with both TMAME and my super awesome friend Unlashed. Neither was a suspension, but both were so much fun! I really need to do that more.

Also, it has been declared that February is Fisting February, and that all orgasms for me must start with a fisting.


Tomorrow is adventures in tattooing and a first date, so really excited.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Mind-fuckery and Consent

Mind Fucks.

I've had two recently, and I have to say, I'm not a big fan.

The first time I had an honest-to-IPU* mind fuck, it was from Daddy**. I had forgotten to bring something that he had told me to bring. Huge no-no. I inadvertently consented to that particular mindfuck, it was my punishment for not doing what he had asked. I'm pretty sure I got off easy.

Yesterday evening, a friend of mine who I care very much for and with whom I already have definite emotional boundaries with decided she was done with life, and texted me goodbye and thank you. After several text exchanges, she stopped texting me and did not pick up when we called. I had already contacted her daughter via Facebook at this point.

It should be noted that this friend lives back in the Midwest, half the country away from me. She had also recently moved and I did not have her new address yet, so calling the cops was not an option for me.

Three hours later she texted me, finally, telling me that she had chickened out and a text that Tmame had sent her made her laugh. (She had turned her phone off so it couldn't be traced to her location.)

To say that I was very angry at her for her flippant attitude would be an understatement. I believe the words "Drama Queen" came out of my mouth. She became instantly contrite, but the damage had been done. I'm not sure how long it will be before I forgive her. I know that I will at some point, although I will never forget.

I know that I can't save her from the demons she has (and she does have demons), but I'm usually so much better at making sure those around me at least want to help themselves.

Today was spent wanting to be a Little with no responsibilities, to let someone else take this burden from me, if only for a little while. But I didn't. I'm dealing with my shit, keeping my big-girl panties on. Daddy can't fix this for me. Tmame can't fix it, either. Hell, she was his friend too, he's pretty pissed off himself.

So yeah. Non-consensual emotional trauma. I haz it. The line for hugs starts to the left. Or the right. Whichever. Cuddles work too.

*Invisible Pink Unicorn, Blessed Be Her Holy Hooves.
**Yes, I have a new Daddy. I now have TWO Daddies. I'm a lucky, lucky girl. And happy. Which explains the lack of posts lately.

Thursday, January 24, 2013


Life is weird. And awesome.

That is all.

Friday, May 4, 2012


Things are... mostly good.

And yes, I say that somewhat surprised.

We have a renter for our house back in the Midwest. The first rent payment has gone through. The anchor that was pulling me under is now being carried along in a small lifeboat behind us. I can breath again.


I get to see The Avengers on Monday!

However, Crazy Psycho Bitch is currently visiting, and this is about as positive as I can be tonight.


Monday, January 23, 2012

The Price.

Everything has a price. Whether the loaf of bread at the grocery store or the smile of your child, something must be paid.

Sometimes, you pay for your item before you receive it; sometimes you pay after. We’re not big on credit in this house, we like to pay in advance. My implants? Paid before surgery. Our wedding? Completely paid for in advance (including a few things that shouldn't have been).

We do have a mortgage on our house and we did have a loan on our car when we bought it new in 2003, but it’s now paid off.

I don’t like debt.

Right now, I’m in the middle of one of the hardest years of my life to date. And I entered it willingly. *Yes, I’m aware that I’m insane, tyvm.

The cost of following our dream and moving to the west coast is a large one, and multi-faceted. We left behind family. We left behind friends. We left behind babysitters! We left behind every support network we had.

We started over.

We’ve made new friends. We’ve found new babysitters. We’re slowly building a new web of support network.

Everything about this move was incredibly easy. Until after we actually moved. The first 3 months were the hardest, especially for me and my son. We had a very hard time adjusting, but we made it, we survived. But it was only the down-payment.

Now, the balance I knew I would have to pay is requiring payment, and it sucks. Giant Hairy Monkey Balls.

There are people I haven’t seen for 6 months. And have no idea when I will see again. People very important to me. The hope was I could return for a visit this coming March, but that hope is gone. I do not know when I’ll be able to return. The darkness seems endless. I *know* there is a light, it’s around a bend up ahead, but the frustration of not knowing when is starting to bubble over. Needs that are starting to realize they’re not going to be met anytime soon.

The need to see my sister, my best friend. To see some of my closest friends and chosen family.

The need to see my Sir. To see my boy. The beasts they feed inside me.

The need to be able to afford a babysitter so my husband and I can go on a date, together.

And yet I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams with how well our family has adjusted to our new life. I love our new home, the new schools and teachers, our new friends. Every day I wonder in amazement at how awesome our life is because we took a chance to follow our dream.

But these needs, these beasts, they crawl under my skin. They itch and make me ache. They make me shake and cry.

I hurt.

And then I feel guilty and ashamed that I hurt (ensuring that I cry even more). This is the price I knew I would have to pay, I have no right to complain.

That house, the one we have a mortgage on, the one we left, still chains us. It pulls us down, every. single. day. And every day it gets harder and harder to fight to stay positive, to remember that there is a light, that the payment *will* be made in full. Then we will have the rest of our lives to fully enjoy this leap that we've made.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Random things

I've been encouraged to keep this posting to this blog, so, in lieu of an actual post (because all my good ideas are right before falling asleep), some more random things I've ... discovered.

I heart biting.  Really really hard biting, that leaves a welt or an invisible bruise. And then pressure so deep it spasms as the pain is rubbed away.

I'm afraid of posting on my blog about things I don't like.  Both of my Sirs "stalk" me to keep track of me, and I don't want them using my dislikes against me.

That being said, I really really really hate delaying orgasms.  The kind where I'm brought to the edge and then not allowed, until like the next day! (and then, the evil one has a bad headache, so there will be no orgasming tonight, either) Just... GAH!

And lest you worry about those two evil men stalking me, don't worry, I stalk them right back!

I'm growing more comfortable with my dominate side.  Once I figured out that I just needed to top the same way I liked to be topped, well, it got sooooo much easier!  (DUH!)

Oh! And traveling anywhere up or down the coast on the weekend? Just a really bad idea if you like good gas mileage.