The "Lifestyle"

A few months ago, TMAME signed us up for the local swinger's Halloween party.  I was not really looking forward to this, did he not remember the New Years Eve party?  And every party we'd gone to prior?  Besides, we were going to NEW YORK CITY, just a week after Halloween!  But I said "I don't care" and "That's fine" and went along.

Now, there are two groups of swingers in our town.  There's the Nascar crowd, and there's the Smug Urban Hipster crowd.  And they're both fucked up in the head.

No one seems to have a secure enough relationship to actually show affection or flirt with someone not their spouse.  Everyone waits until 2am before they actually show any interest in having sex with you, and then it's just a big orgy.  Not that there's anything wrong with that...

But there's no real connection.  TMAME and I have a rule that has served us very well in the swinger lifestyle.  We only sleep with people that we could be friends with.  We won't necessarily be their friends, but the possibility *must* be there.  We just can't do random hook-ups without some sort of 'click' or spark between everyone. 

My friend KC put it very well over on his last blog post (yes, he needs to blog more, he's fucking brilliant, but he recently got himself married and is disgustingly happy with my best friend now): 

In the end though, it’s a meaningless distinction. Lots of married couples “play”, and without the need to create an exclusive “in crowd”. Fuck buddies? Common among single people. One night stands? Common as well. Funny, I don’t see much of it in the lifestyle crowd.

It didn’t become painfully obvious until I met a few people that really did swing. It was, hey, let’s have fun. Not, hey, let’s go to silly parties drink expensive martinis and pretend we are cool because we are secretly openly doing what so many other people are”.

So, at the end of the day, you have a group of people that like to brag about having fuck buddies and don’t do much else, and to me… well, that’s LAME.

In conclusion:  If you don't understand the awesomeness that is Dr. Horrible, well, you probably won't get our sense of humor.  (ONE fucking person out of two hundred knew who Captain Hammer was! ONE!)

Now we just need to get over our introvertness and get more involved in the kink community here.  It's gotta be way more fun.

Orgasms

I feel for hetero men, I really do.  Women have very complicated bodies, and every woman, while similar, is different.  What works for one may or may not work for another.  

And there's different types of orgasms.  Most women can only have clitoral orgasms.  The g-spot can be elusive to some men, hell, even as a woman who HAS g-spot orgasms it's hard for me to get another woman off that way.

That being said, it's pretty easy to get me off at this point in my life.  All you have to do is find the 'button' and there I go.  It wasn't always like that.

I remember my very first orgasm.  I was 23, and still a virgin.  23! Virgin!  Hard to believe, right.  Growing up in a fundamental (to say the least) religion and with a dad stuck in the 1950's (me and my mom weren't allowed to wear shorts into town) left me with a control freak complex.  Add in that masturbation was taught as bad, it's a wonder I'm able to orgasm at all!

So my first orgasm was after I met my first husband, before we were engaged.  I sucked up every ounce of courage and 'cool' I could manage and bought a 'massager' at Spencer's, then went home and tried it out.  It took a few tries, but I finally managed.  It felt really good, to say the least.

While married to my now ex, we pretty much followed the same script every time, with a few lite bondage scenes thrown in every now and then.  I'd give him a hand job (so he could last longer HA!), some fucking, him getting me off clitorally with his fingers, then him fucking me till he came again.  That's right, he got off twice every time, while I only got off once.  Bastard.  The fucking never lasted long enough.  I could feel a build up, but he never lasted long enough for anything to happen, and apparently he never had the patience to use his hands inside of me.

I came out of that relationship with an aversion to hand jobs, to say the least.  A decade later, I'm still working out that aversion.  *sigh*

My first squirting orgasm was after I'd left my husband, living with a boyfriend.  Again, I was home alone.  (control freak, remember?)  I held the vibrator to my clit even though I was past the point of orgasm, when it's usually too sensitive.  I squirted while having a clitoral orgasm, y'all.  Did you know you could do that?  OMG, what a release!  Even better than just a regular clit orgasm!  Sadly, it would be a few more years before I squirted on a regular basis.

Then I got together with TMAME.  I showed him what got me off, and it worked quite nicely.  Regular clitoral orgasms.  They were very good.  Unlike every other guy I'd been with, he took what worked and switched things up after we got comfortable with each other.  Sex wasn't the same script every time.  He didn't get the whole tying me up, but he did it anyway, because he saw how much I liked it.  We had a good sex life.  It wasn't as wild as his previous relationships had been, but it was good.

And then we had babies.  

As any woman who's had children will tell you, babies change your body.  I pretty much got over my control freak issues, cause let me tell you, you have NO control over your body when you have a parasite growing in you!

At some point I started having g-spot orgasms, with squirting.  But I was pretty much a one-and-done girl.  I'd have one REALLY awesome orgasm, and then you couldn't touch me anymore.

And then one night, all of a sudden, out of the blue, for no rhyme or reason, I had multiple orgasms.  I stopped counting at 15.  I'd have one, he'd slow, I'd giggle, and say "more", until finally I couldn't take any more.  There was a HUGE puddle on our Liberator throe that night.

After that, it was really easy to have multiple squirting g-spot orgasms.  I'd still have my clit-gasms, because, lets face it, they're really nice too!  And they feel different from a g-gasm.

And then I noticed I could have different styles of orgasms.  They weren't just a different intensity, they were actually different.  There's a g-spot orgasm that I have control over, and then there's one where I don't, it just sneaks up on me.  I can have a clit orgasm that squirts, and one that doesn't.  

They all feel different, too.  Throw in different intensities for each, and you have almost an endless combination of orgasms.

Did I mention the anal orgasms we discovered I could have?  Yeah.  Apparently I'm really REALLY sensitive back there, so much so that with all the warming up and "fluffing" we do to get me prepared to accept his cock, by the time we get there, it takes about 20 seconds for me to have an orgasm.  He barely has to move!

So yeah, I can have at least 5 DIFFERENT kinds of orgasms.  And yes, I do realize how very lucky I am!  Not to mention I have the bestest husband in the entire world, because he was willing to let me (and help me) push my boundaries at my own pace.

And now, TMAME 'gets' the tying me up.  And the flogging.  And the topping.  *swoon*

I am such a lucky girl.

The Hotel is open!

Hotel Bliss is open!  Thank you so much, Bliss Warrior, for creating a haven for us bi-girls!

You can find me here.

MMmmmmmmmm...

So it's the start of my birthday week festivities, and I couldn't be more excited!  Tonight is a lovely threesome with an awesome lady, Thursday night we are out with a bunch of vanilla friends, Friday is dinner with the very first couple we ever played with (and maybe more, who knows!), and if a certain single boy of my aquaintance ever calls me back, a threesome on Saturday!

We had a foursome scheduled for Wednesday night as well, but it's been postponed until next week, after my birthday.

Oh, and did I mention the very lovely apology from the guy who stood me up last week?  

Now, if the sun would just come out again, this week would be PERFECT!

yeah, I know...

I'm a slacker.  I totally blew off HNT this week.  Maybe next week.

In other news, I've had a mental breakthrough regarding vanillas.  At least in regards to what I'm looking for.  And this applies to both the males AND the females.  

They may SAY they just want a hook-up or a fuck-buddy, but they're REALLY looking for a relationship.  And they will always put looking for a relationship before looking for a hookup.  Or their hook-ups are only with potential relationships.   (And then there's the friend who's so totally involved with his new girl that he doesn't even have time for me to pick his brain about vanilla boys!  Although he does share his ciggies with me and make me awesome sushi, so I guess I'll let it slide.)

And I'm okay with that aspect.  I'm very tepidly putting my toes into the bi- and lesbian scene around here, so I'm going to try and remember this applies to BOTH sexes.  Although I did have a very hot lady connect with me on Myspace today, AND she's local!  So we'll see how it goes.

Also, my BIRTHDAY is coming up soon, and there will be a full week's worth of debauchery to be had.  I've got two single guys, one couple (for a foursome), and two seperate threesomes lined up.  Oh, don't you wish you were me!  I can't wait!

And then I'll be out of commision for at least a month starting May 14th.   But that's a story for another day.

I'm not usually a hip-hop fan

but this boi is awesome!

for the kink community!

So we've all heard of Myspace and Facebook, and all the other "social networking" sites out there. (I don't know all the names, those are the only two I have accounts with in my vanilla world.)

Now we have FetLife! It's still in the beginning stages, so I was early enough to actually get "Eris" as a screen name. w00t!

Look me up, add me as a friend. I've only got one friend (well, two if you count the starter guy) and he's married to me, so yeah.

It's not me, it's you.

Last Friday evening, I went to dinner with my Main Man's lover (who happens to be single and wicked smart) and we had a discussion about my previous post about vanillas.

Basically, her response was "Welcome to my world!"

For some reason, and I vaguely remember this from my dating experiences (almost 10 years ago), many guys like to chase, but as soon as you show interest and respond, they run away. And they do this to ALL the girls. Not just a select few.

But when a guy does that to a girl, usually she has no fucking clue as to why, is left completely bewildered and wonders what the hell she did wrong or if she isn't cute enough. It lowers our self-confidence and belief in ourselves.

And then these same men have the nerve to complain about women with no self-confidence.

Even though many of us women KNOW in our head that the rejection has nothing to us, it still bugs us. Why would someone show interest in us and then turn us down when we show interest back? It's just not... logical.

So yeah, I think I'm gonna just hang with the two really hot guys that I'm seeing right now. There will be no more random guys from the vanilla pool, that's for sure. And the next time I hear some vanilla guy complain about all the games women play on them, I'm gonna smack the shit out of them.

of for the love of...

People, when you kiss someone, please don't just stick your tongue down their throat and call it making out. Seriously.

Something I've noticed/discovered on this journey is that pretty much every person has their own style of kissing. Certain styles I like, a few I LOVE, and some I absolutely loathe. The above mentioned style would be one that I loathe. Not only is it kinda rude, its really messy, and it hurts my jaw.

Try seducing my mouth. Sounds silly, I know, but if you can't seduce my mouth, how do I know you can seduce my pussy? Are you going to just shove your cock/fingers up there without any foreplay? Let me tell you something about that.

IT HURTS.

Especially when those fingers have long nails and you're digging them into me.

Even with all that negativity last night, we did have a really awesome time with the couple that we hooked up with. It was so cute, the lovely lady kept asking if she could keep me! (she REALLY likes girls!)

Although I'm still looking for a lovely lady to hook up with that will let ME play with HER. Not that I don't like being pleasured, but I like to give it too! I need practice, damn it!

I think a certain lovely lady and I need to get together soon. We keep talking about it, but haven't gotten around to it yet.

*sigh*

Damn Vanillas

What IS it with 'vanilla' guys? Seriously!

I've had TWO vanilla guys totally stand me up for a hookup! I mean, they SAY they want to hook up with me, but when it comes down to scheduling, they stop returning my messages. I mean, I know that everyone has a life and it gets busy sometimes, but damn!

Do they want MORE than just a hookup, or is the thought of a married woman just out for a good time turn them off for some reason?

It's not like I'm losing a friend if I let them go, but it still bugs my ego. It seems to be a bit more fragile than I thought.

I think I'll stick to the guys from the swinger's sites, they're really good at building up my ego. And giving me really lovely orgasms.


This week also includes Valentine's Day. My Main Man and I are going to a restaurant that a friend of ours manages, and it's always really good. I'm really craving one of his special sushi roles, so I need to remember to ask him for one! If he's working, that is. I forgot to ask him when we made our reservation. Oh well, I still need to find a sitter anyway!

And what's up with this really hot guy at the gym this morning that got on the treadmill right next to me JUST as I was finishing up? Dammit!

And I promise to get an HNT up this week. I had one for last week, but didn't get it uploaded to the computer in time. It's now ready to go, just waiting. PROMISE!

How many was that again?

Last night, I had LOTS of lovely orgasms! Puddles EVERYWHERE!

On the couch, on the floor, in the shower, on the bed.......

Good times!

About freakin' time!

I went out Thursday night and had really great sex with a really hot guy!

YUM!

And then I came home and had more hot sex with my main man!

A girl can NEVER have too much of really great sex. *giggle*

What a fucked up way to end the year.

Well, due to a certain family member making assumptions based on my myspace profile, a hickey given to my husband by ME, and some random comment I said back at Thanksgiving, pictures may not be posted quite as often. And certain identifying features will be eliminated completely (such as my hair and our bedroom).

I know we're not the only ones to have had an awesome year end on such a crappy note, so here's to a better 2008.

It's GOT to be better than the way 2007 ended!

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

NEW rules of engagement have been posted on the right!

Hall passes have been issued to both parties. One-on-one play is now allowed. I book up fast, so reserve your spot now!

HONESTY is best. I hate head games and I try not to play them. If I want to sleep with you, I will tell you. If you can't handle an aggressive woman, well, that's your own damn problem. If you don't want to sleep with me, tell me, and I'll back off. Really. Just be honest with me, that's all I ask.

Doesn't that sound exciting!

insomnia

Yeah, it's 1am, and I can't sleep. Don't know why, really. But it sucks.

My Main Man and I went to another 'event' on Saturday. We had a great time and took some fabulous pictures of me in my new 'dress', on a motorcycle (with a vibrating seat, no less!) I'll be posting them as soon as he uploads them to the network.

(okay, so he emailed them to me!)New 'dress'

A t-shirt I really liked!

The downside of the party: hooking up with someone just to have a hook up results in very bad sex for everyone. Bleh.

And this week's HNT will give you a glimpse of what was UNDER the new 'dress'!

Oh, and I had lunch with a very hot guy today. ;)

Halloween Sexiness

After three parties, I'm costumed out. I think I'll just wear jeans and a t-shirt to hand out candy tomorrow night.

Oh, and my stockings didn't work out, so I wore these instead:I wanted green (because that's my fave), but all they had were the icky neon green tights. So I went with purple instead, and they turned out really well. Especially with all the purple eyeshadow I own! (It makes my green eyes just pop!)

This is what everything looked like:
Observation I made: When I'm really drunk, I will almost let a guy fuck me on the dance floor. I must REALLY like sex!

Learning from the past.

This whole poly-swing thing? Some days, it really sucks.

My Main Man and I have agreed upon rules. But relationships, they don’t follow rules. They happen when you least expect them. I should know, it’s happened to me before.

When I was married to my ex, I fell into an emotional affair with a co-worker. It became physical, yes, but it was more of an emotional affair than anything else. It gave me the strength to leave my douche-bag of an ex-husband, so it worked out in the end. Of course, the last time I saw said affair dude, I was in the middle of post-partum depression and looked like shit. That kinda sucked. Hopefully next time I’ll be more prepared.

This time, it was very different. I have no emotional hole that needs to be filled. This was an existing friendship that quickly developed into the type of relationship I wanted. Mostly about really hot freaky sex with little to no emotional attachment, and the agreement of non-monogamy; basically a fuck-buddy.

Except I’m not allowed to actually HAVE a fuck-buddy at this point. I’m allowed to flirt, kiss, and generally have a good time, but nothing beyond that.

Hormones, they are a powerful thing. Someone who makes you feel sexy and desired during the day while your kids are screaming can have a huge impact in how much you share with them. Sharing can lead to desires. Desires aren’t bad, per se, until they overwhelm you so much that you want to break rules to fulfill them.

So. Until I’m actually allowed to have a physical relationship with someone, I can’t have any type of sexual relationship (be it txting, email, or phone) with other guys.

I owe my two guys apologies. One of them a really BIG apology. I really didn’t mean (or want) to be that much of a tease. I am so very sorry.

Update

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Brazilian wax! I'm so smooth! There's no stubble! It's so awesome!

Between a smooth hoochi, going to the gym, txting D, chatting with mr. yesNOmaybe and all the great sex between me and my Main Man, I'm wet all the freakin' time! It's so much fun!

(I even got to play in the shower today!)

I am....

The Best Wife EVER!

So last night, after attending a friend's wedding, my Main Man and I went to a Halloween Swinger's Event and had an absolute blast!

The costume judging was a buzz kill, but the "after party" was off the hook! Another girl and I squirted so much that we turned a bed into a swamp! And I went down on her while my Main Man watched, so now I AM the Best Wife EVER! It was so much fun making her climax over and over again, not to mention her, her husband, and my Main Man making me climax over and over again!

Did mention that I squirt like a porn star? (her squirt is actually fake, but I do squirt like that, really) I also gush like this. Yum.

So much fun for just one night. Glad it's not illegal!

Bounderies, people, bounderies

Okay, so my main man and I are trying out this thing that I call Poly-lite. It's not true polyamoury, because our secondary partners aren't really going to be full partners in our lives. We have children, and they always always come first in our lives.

Now personally, I think every single couple that practices poly have their own set of rules and what may be poly for them is not for someone else and vice versa. It's like that in the swinger community, too. Some couples are full swap only, some are soft swap only, some play in separate bedrooms, some only play together. My main man and I love the group experience, but we find it very hard to find a couple where all four of us feel a connection with each other. Finding two people that both of us are totally into, and both of them are totally into both of us, well, that's the Holy Grail, people. We're still looking, though!

On this path of self-discovery, we've both discovered we don't want to have sex with others just to have sex. We have a very awesome sex life between just the two of us, and having sex just to have sex with other people seems very cheap to us. We've moved beyond our college years, thank the IPU.

Which is why we've made this journey into the poly world.

But guys, my main man and I have rules. And these rules, they can't be broken. EVER. If we break a rule that we made, we knowingly and willingly damage our marriage. I've done that before, and I REFUSE to do it ever again.

Now, I try not to be a mean person and lead people on. I really don't like that. I like to state my rules at the beginning of the encounter. If I say something is not allowed, just because you think I kiss like an angel (which I do, thanks!), that does NOT mean I will give in and relax my boundaries.

A warning: the more you push, the farther I back away.

However, there is absolutely no apology necessary, and if you try to give me one, I will smack you silly.

Part of the reason my online guy (still gotta figure out a name for him, dammit) and I haven't done anything more than flirt heavily online is because of boundaries that I have. Someday the boundaries will change, and our "relationship" will move to a new level. But until that day, I'm just going to soak up the best compliment I have ever received, and let him continue looking for porn that features girls that look like me! I may even go and try to find some for him!

Speaking of porn, I got a lovely package from Freddy & Eddy yesterday! We haven't had a chance to watch Matt and Khym: Better than Ever yet, but it's on the agenda for tonight! YUM!