Monday, March 4, 2013

Mind-fuckery and Consent

Mind Fucks.

I've had two recently, and I have to say, I'm not a big fan.

The first time I had an honest-to-IPU* mind fuck, it was from Daddy**. I had forgotten to bring something that he had told me to bring. Huge no-no. I inadvertently consented to that particular mindfuck, it was my punishment for not doing what he had asked. I'm pretty sure I got off easy.

Yesterday evening, a friend of mine who I care very much for and with whom I already have definite emotional boundaries with decided she was done with life, and texted me goodbye and thank you. After several text exchanges, she stopped texting me and did not pick up when we called. I had already contacted her daughter via Facebook at this point.

It should be noted that this friend lives back in the Midwest, half the country away from me. She had also recently moved and I did not have her new address yet, so calling the cops was not an option for me.

Three hours later she texted me, finally, telling me that she had chickened out and a text that Tmame had sent her made her laugh. (She had turned her phone off so it couldn't be traced to her location.)

To say that I was very angry at her for her flippant attitude would be an understatement. I believe the words "Drama Queen" came out of my mouth. She became instantly contrite, but the damage had been done. I'm not sure how long it will be before I forgive her. I know that I will at some point, although I will never forget.

I know that I can't save her from the demons she has (and she does have demons), but I'm usually so much better at making sure those around me at least want to help themselves.

Today was spent wanting to be a Little with no responsibilities, to let someone else take this burden from me, if only for a little while. But I didn't. I'm dealing with my shit, keeping my big-girl panties on. Daddy can't fix this for me. Tmame can't fix it, either. Hell, she was his friend too, he's pretty pissed off himself.

So yeah. Non-consensual emotional trauma. I haz it. The line for hugs starts to the left. Or the right. Whichever. Cuddles work too.

*Invisible Pink Unicorn, Blessed Be Her Holy Hooves.
**Yes, I have a new Daddy. I now have TWO Daddies. I'm a lucky, lucky girl. And happy. Which explains the lack of posts lately.

1 comment:

Stranded Tor said...

It is the old cliche about leading a horse to water. Cannot do everything for them and yet they can still put a gun to your head.