The "Lifestyle"

A few months ago, TMAME signed us up for the local swinger's Halloween party.  I was not really looking forward to this, did he not remember the New Years Eve party?  And every party we'd gone to prior?  Besides, we were going to NEW YORK CITY, just a week after Halloween!  But I said "I don't care" and "That's fine" and went along.

Now, there are two groups of swingers in our town.  There's the Nascar crowd, and there's the Smug Urban Hipster crowd.  And they're both fucked up in the head.

No one seems to have a secure enough relationship to actually show affection or flirt with someone not their spouse.  Everyone waits until 2am before they actually show any interest in having sex with you, and then it's just a big orgy.  Not that there's anything wrong with that...

But there's no real connection.  TMAME and I have a rule that has served us very well in the swinger lifestyle.  We only sleep with people that we could be friends with.  We won't necessarily be their friends, but the possibility *must* be there.  We just can't do random hook-ups without some sort of 'click' or spark between everyone. 

My friend KC put it very well over on his last blog post (yes, he needs to blog more, he's fucking brilliant, but he recently got himself married and is disgustingly happy with my best friend now): 

In the end though, it’s a meaningless distinction. Lots of married couples “play”, and without the need to create an exclusive “in crowd”. Fuck buddies? Common among single people. One night stands? Common as well. Funny, I don’t see much of it in the lifestyle crowd.

It didn’t become painfully obvious until I met a few people that really did swing. It was, hey, let’s have fun. Not, hey, let’s go to silly parties drink expensive martinis and pretend we are cool because we are secretly openly doing what so many other people are”.

So, at the end of the day, you have a group of people that like to brag about having fuck buddies and don’t do much else, and to me… well, that’s LAME.

In conclusion:  If you don't understand the awesomeness that is Dr. Horrible, well, you probably won't get our sense of humor.  (ONE fucking person out of two hundred knew who Captain Hammer was! ONE!)

Now we just need to get over our introvertness and get more involved in the kink community here.  It's gotta be way more fun.

Exhaustion

It's Monday, and I'm exhausted!

Thursday night I went out and met a girlfriend for drinks, then went over to see a really hot guy and had really hot sex with him (YUM!), and got home around midnight.

Friday night, my Main Man went out and saw a movie with his paramour, and of course I was still up when he got home at midnight.

Saturday night we went out to a Mardi Gras party and had an absolute blast! I think we got home around 2am.

And then there was yesterday. Sunday. Super Bowl Sunday. Can I just say how much I hate the Giants? It's not that I wanted the Patriots to win, I just really do NOT like the Giants. Bah.

All in all, it was a GREAT weekend!

But things have got to change.

Originally, the idea of playing separately was that one of us could go out one week, then the other got to go out the next week. Right now we're both going out every week, and it's just taking up too much time away from each other and away from the kids. The scheduling alone is a nightmare.

So, sad to say, by the first of March we are changing things up and will only be going out every other week instead of every week. Not only will this give my and my Main Man more time together, this will allow us to do more socially with our friends.

As someone who spends most of her time with small children, socialization is GOOD!

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

NEW rules of engagement have been posted on the right!

Hall passes have been issued to both parties. One-on-one play is now allowed. I book up fast, so reserve your spot now!

HONESTY is best. I hate head games and I try not to play them. If I want to sleep with you, I will tell you. If you can't handle an aggressive woman, well, that's your own damn problem. If you don't want to sleep with me, tell me, and I'll back off. Really. Just be honest with me, that's all I ask.

Doesn't that sound exciting!

Learning from the past.

This whole poly-swing thing? Some days, it really sucks.

My Main Man and I have agreed upon rules. But relationships, they don’t follow rules. They happen when you least expect them. I should know, it’s happened to me before.

When I was married to my ex, I fell into an emotional affair with a co-worker. It became physical, yes, but it was more of an emotional affair than anything else. It gave me the strength to leave my douche-bag of an ex-husband, so it worked out in the end. Of course, the last time I saw said affair dude, I was in the middle of post-partum depression and looked like shit. That kinda sucked. Hopefully next time I’ll be more prepared.

This time, it was very different. I have no emotional hole that needs to be filled. This was an existing friendship that quickly developed into the type of relationship I wanted. Mostly about really hot freaky sex with little to no emotional attachment, and the agreement of non-monogamy; basically a fuck-buddy.

Except I’m not allowed to actually HAVE a fuck-buddy at this point. I’m allowed to flirt, kiss, and generally have a good time, but nothing beyond that.

Hormones, they are a powerful thing. Someone who makes you feel sexy and desired during the day while your kids are screaming can have a huge impact in how much you share with them. Sharing can lead to desires. Desires aren’t bad, per se, until they overwhelm you so much that you want to break rules to fulfill them.

So. Until I’m actually allowed to have a physical relationship with someone, I can’t have any type of sexual relationship (be it txting, email, or phone) with other guys.

I owe my two guys apologies. One of them a really BIG apology. I really didn’t mean (or want) to be that much of a tease. I am so very sorry.

Rules of Engagement

My main man and I are fairly new to the swinger's scene, and at the cusp of being polyamorous. In the interest of putting each other first in our lives, we've come up with some beginning rules for our encounters.

Non-Negotiable Rules:

No playing in the house while the children are there.

The male party(ies) will ALWAYS wear condoms. Yes, they suck, but that's what lube is for. We like sliquid silver.

As of right now, the female half of this couple (ME) is NOT allowed to do more than kiss and flirt with other guys in very not-private places (I'm not stupid enough to think I can reason with hormones). Girls: hell yes! (I'm still looking for the girl who will let me go down on her while my main man watches to confirm my status as the "BEST WIFE EVER!")

HONESTY is best. I hate head games and I don't play them. (That probably confused a lot of guys back when I was vanilla dating, sorry!)

I've also posted these on the right, so they will always be there for anyone that stumbles across this site. It also clarifies for my main man and I what the rules are BEFORE we are in a situation that could cause potential harm to our marriage.

Oh, and I'm in such an awesome mood today, I think I'm going to post TWO pictures for HNT tomorrow!