The "Lifestyle"

A few months ago, TMAME signed us up for the local swinger's Halloween party.  I was not really looking forward to this, did he not remember the New Years Eve party?  And every party we'd gone to prior?  Besides, we were going to NEW YORK CITY, just a week after Halloween!  But I said "I don't care" and "That's fine" and went along.

Now, there are two groups of swingers in our town.  There's the Nascar crowd, and there's the Smug Urban Hipster crowd.  And they're both fucked up in the head.

No one seems to have a secure enough relationship to actually show affection or flirt with someone not their spouse.  Everyone waits until 2am before they actually show any interest in having sex with you, and then it's just a big orgy.  Not that there's anything wrong with that...

But there's no real connection.  TMAME and I have a rule that has served us very well in the swinger lifestyle.  We only sleep with people that we could be friends with.  We won't necessarily be their friends, but the possibility *must* be there.  We just can't do random hook-ups without some sort of 'click' or spark between everyone. 

My friend KC put it very well over on his last blog post (yes, he needs to blog more, he's fucking brilliant, but he recently got himself married and is disgustingly happy with my best friend now): 

In the end though, it’s a meaningless distinction. Lots of married couples “play”, and without the need to create an exclusive “in crowd”. Fuck buddies? Common among single people. One night stands? Common as well. Funny, I don’t see much of it in the lifestyle crowd.

It didn’t become painfully obvious until I met a few people that really did swing. It was, hey, let’s have fun. Not, hey, let’s go to silly parties drink expensive martinis and pretend we are cool because we are secretly openly doing what so many other people are”.

So, at the end of the day, you have a group of people that like to brag about having fuck buddies and don’t do much else, and to me… well, that’s LAME.

In conclusion:  If you don't understand the awesomeness that is Dr. Horrible, well, you probably won't get our sense of humor.  (ONE fucking person out of two hundred knew who Captain Hammer was! ONE!)

Now we just need to get over our introvertness and get more involved in the kink community here.  It's gotta be way more fun.

AURRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Yeah, all that stuff I said about vanillas?  Talking out of my ass.  It's not vanillas, it's just MEN!  

Well, most men, anyway, there are a few exceptions.

Last night, instead of meeting a new guy I found on one of our swinger sites, I spent the evening with a girlfriend bitching about men.  

I realize that things come up, work keeps you late, whatever.  At least have the decency to CALL ME and tell me you won't be able to keep our date instead of leaving me to wait for you to show.

Asshole.  

I'd only date girls if I thought they'd be any less trouble.

fucking drama

Once again my birth family has taken my heart out and ripped it to shreds.

Suffice it to say that I will probably be laying low for a while, trying to fill this gaping hole in my heart, again.

Fucking religion.

It's not me, it's you.

Last Friday evening, I went to dinner with my Main Man's lover (who happens to be single and wicked smart) and we had a discussion about my previous post about vanillas.

Basically, her response was "Welcome to my world!"

For some reason, and I vaguely remember this from my dating experiences (almost 10 years ago), many guys like to chase, but as soon as you show interest and respond, they run away. And they do this to ALL the girls. Not just a select few.

But when a guy does that to a girl, usually she has no fucking clue as to why, is left completely bewildered and wonders what the hell she did wrong or if she isn't cute enough. It lowers our self-confidence and belief in ourselves.

And then these same men have the nerve to complain about women with no self-confidence.

Even though many of us women KNOW in our head that the rejection has nothing to us, it still bugs us. Why would someone show interest in us and then turn us down when we show interest back? It's just not... logical.

So yeah, I think I'm gonna just hang with the two really hot guys that I'm seeing right now. There will be no more random guys from the vanilla pool, that's for sure. And the next time I hear some vanilla guy complain about all the games women play on them, I'm gonna smack the shit out of them.

of for the love of...

People, when you kiss someone, please don't just stick your tongue down their throat and call it making out. Seriously.

Something I've noticed/discovered on this journey is that pretty much every person has their own style of kissing. Certain styles I like, a few I LOVE, and some I absolutely loathe. The above mentioned style would be one that I loathe. Not only is it kinda rude, its really messy, and it hurts my jaw.

Try seducing my mouth. Sounds silly, I know, but if you can't seduce my mouth, how do I know you can seduce my pussy? Are you going to just shove your cock/fingers up there without any foreplay? Let me tell you something about that.

IT HURTS.

Especially when those fingers have long nails and you're digging them into me.

Even with all that negativity last night, we did have a really awesome time with the couple that we hooked up with. It was so cute, the lovely lady kept asking if she could keep me! (she REALLY likes girls!)

Although I'm still looking for a lovely lady to hook up with that will let ME play with HER. Not that I don't like being pleasured, but I like to give it too! I need practice, damn it!

I think a certain lovely lady and I need to get together soon. We keep talking about it, but haven't gotten around to it yet.

*sigh*

What a fucked up way to end the year.

Well, due to a certain family member making assumptions based on my myspace profile, a hickey given to my husband by ME, and some random comment I said back at Thanksgiving, pictures may not be posted quite as often. And certain identifying features will be eliminated completely (such as my hair and our bedroom).

I know we're not the only ones to have had an awesome year end on such a crappy note, so here's to a better 2008.

It's GOT to be better than the way 2007 ended!

Body issues

Of course I think of all the things I want to write in this post at either midnight or 4am, when it's too damn cold to get out of bed and write it down.

Almost every woman I know has some issue with their body that they don't like. Usually it's how much they weigh. As if every single woman on the planet is supposed to look like the models on the runway. Or porn stars. *puke*

I LOVE my curves. LOVE LOVE LOVE them! Guys like them too. Just ask Sir Mix-a-Lot. (That happens to be my husband's favorite, song, btw.) I love having a small waist and fairly wide hips. I HATE shopping for jeans, though. They don't make jeans for girls with an ass. And my thighs, well, they will NEVER fit into any of the popular "skinny" jeans, and I'm totally okay with that. Other than that's the only style they're selling right now. What, did every other body style suddenly drop off the face of the earth?

Something else that totally pisses me off is these skinny-ass women with no curves, no belly fat and no ass to speak of bitching and moaning about how "fat" they are. Are you fucking kidding me? a/I don't want a body like that, and b/if I did, I'd be walking around like I was the muther fuckin bitch! If you've got a great body, stop complaining about it and own it! Grow some balls or something. Please. Hell, even if you DON'T have the 'perfect' body, it's still yours. Own it. Stop bitching.

Now, I made peace with my body many years ago. I liked my boob size, I liked my weight, I liked my butt. I guess I was one of the rare ones. (who knew!) When I complained about clothes not fitting me, it's usually ranting against the industry, not my body shape.

And then...

Children happened. Sneaky little bastards. Well, technically they're NOT bastards, but you know what I mean.

I gained weight. My boobs got bigger (that was REALLY nice). My ass got bigger. My clothes no longer fit me.

After my first child, it didn't really bother me much. Eventually I went back down to my pre-baby size. I was okay with that. Sacrifices have to be made to continue the gene pool. After my second baby, well, the weight didn't come back off. I had to work for it. And I was okay with that. After all, I'm a bit older than most new moms, and most women my age have to work to keep their body size.

I lost the extra weight. YAY!

Except my boobs left with all that extra weight. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

So now my jeans fit, but my bras don't. And with my curvy hips and butt, I NEED a little bit on top to balance things out! I don't even have a little bit anymore. This makes me very sad. I don't mind it so much when I'm naked, just when I'm dressed and there's no balance.

Right now, I'm cheating by wearing one of my older bras that makes it LOOK like I still have my boobs, but they don't fill my bra at all. *cries*

So tonight, I'm off to Vicky's to find a push-up that will at least give me the illusion of boobs under my clothes.

So even though guys really don't give a damn about how big or small your tits (or ass, or hips, or waist, or etc....) are (just show up naked, with beer would be awesome!), I will still be looking into 'enhancing' my silhouette. Dammit.