FIRE!

This past Saturday TMAME and I attended a local rope class followed by a small rope play party that included, along with some flogging and a wicked single tail, FIRE PLAY!

Now, being somewhat of a pyromaniac, I've read Roxy's post about her experience with fire play, and I watched with fascination as the fire raced up and down a lovely lady's leg, butt and back.  When the opportunity presented itself for TMAME and I to learn and play, I quickly stripped and hopped up on the table.

Now, as Roxy mentioned in her post, there are two ways to play, bouncing the lit wand on the skin, and dragging a wet, unlit wand across the body then setting it on fire.  

Guess who's ticklish?  Yeah, that's right, ME!  So much so that when TMAME would drag the wet, unlit wand across me, I was kicking and laughing hysterically.

The bouncing effect?  REALLY FUN!  There was no pain, just a sensation of heat, and the warm caress of my lover's hand across my body.  Plus a few tickles here and there from our instructor giving lessons of where not to let the alcohol run so the bits don't catch on fire.

There is a saying in our house, for sure.

"Give me pain and I will melt into the giver.  Tickle me, and I am not responsible for any bodily injury you may sustain."

TMAME should know, I once accidentally kneed him across the face, and almost broke his nose.

Now, as I mentioned at the top, there was rope around us all day, but that, and me almost passing out while being tied, deserves it's own post.

in case you missed them

These are the killer shoes I wore to the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar Release party.

Photo courtesy of @sroxy (thanks babe!)

Reflections, conflictions and contradictions

Long before Diva became, well, Diva, I earned the nickname Diva myself.  Except it wasn't really a good thing.  You see, even back in the 4th grade when my reading group did a play for the rest of the class, I wanted to be the 'star'.  

But growing up in the apocalyptic religion that I did, putting attention on oneself was a big no-no.  All glory was to go to God.

Really, I wasn't allowed to even *have* my own dreams and ambitions, let alone *follow* them.  And any school plays I wanted to be in, well, the scheduling always conflicted with church meetings that must *never* be missed unless ill or dying.

By the time I left the church, I was old enough to see the bad side of being famous, the cost if you will.  The lack of privacy, the lack of control over what people say about you.  I came out of the church with a huge need for control over my own life, so I knew that giving up that control for fame wasn't something I was willing to do.  I wanted to live life on MY terms, not society's. 

But I still dreamed about performing...

A few years ago, TMAME and I started attending various local plays.  I realized that, unlike the movies, people of all ages shapes and sizes perform.  I thought to myself at the time, hey, I could do that!

So what has held me back?

Time.  Kids.  Money.  Oh, and FEAR.

I've lived most of  my life in fear, that's how religion works.  I chose to not live my life in fear the day I walked out of the church, so why am I letting it in my life now?

Well, two small kids don't really give you time to think about anything you might have missed doing in your life, that's for sure.

But my previous student loans are paid off, and the only thing stopping me from going to school is my inability to gather the courage to go and apply.  

But I haven't truly found/decided on my passion...

I want to take drama classes.  I want to take writing classes.  I want to study the history of the bible.  I'd love to take classes in sexology.  There are so many different things I want to do, it makes it hard to decide.  Which is a great de-motivator, of course, when added to FEAR, and just makes me lock up.

Will I eventually sign myself up for classes?  Maybe, maybe not.  The days where my daily mantra is "the world does *not*, in fact, revolve around me" makes me leary of fame and attention, because I *can* become the diva that everyone hates, and that's not the type of person I want to be.  

Choices.  Conflictions.  Contradictions.  This is my world.  It's just like everyone else's.

Reflections and turning points

Well, now that we've been to NYC and "partied with the Rockstars", I've decided that I *never* want to be a rockstar.  I mean, I knew that before, but now, I *KNOW*.

I don't count followers or hit stats or track who's reading my blog.  That's not why I write.  I don't want to be on the Top 100 Sex Bloggers list.  Really.  

I don't want to be completely unknown, lord knows I love performing and being the center of attention, but I'd rather have my own little niche, where people that are important to me are the ones who give me feedback.  

I guess it comes down to that I'd rather be a good friend than a good blogger.  There are many times I fail at being a good friend, I don't want the pressure of being a bad blogger on top of that.

********

So back to our trip to NYC.  TMAME and I had so much fun wandering around Manhattan both Friday and Saturday.  I kept busy during the party (read: distracted from knowing NO one in a huge crowd) by making sure Monk, TMAME, Diva and Tess were all kept hydrated and fed during the event.  I did mingle a bit with those bloggers/twitterati that I had met at the hotel, so I wasn't hiding the entire time.  Just most of the time.

My reward was being suspended by Monk after the Rope Class on Saturday, and OMG, it was amazing.  

Shortly into my suspension, I came to a very startling discovery.  I crave touching.  Both being touched and touching.  

Now, my sister is laughing as she reads this because this is NOT how I come across to people.  I usually have this "don't touch me" zone around me pretty much all the time.  I like hugs, but only from friends.  But this *touching* thing, yeah, I actually need lots of touching from my lovers/play partners.  And I need to touch them back.  

So this realization is going through my head at the same time I'm trying to be "in the moment" while Monk suspends me.  Talk about a mind trip.  

Add to that that we went to Ground Zero just hours before and it's no wonder I had to shut down for a few days and just soak up energy from those around me.  

********

And this is the rope bracelet that TMAME gave me to wear at the party:

So very pretty!

pyjamas...

I got so many compliments on my morning wear in NYC that I thought I would share the one part of the outfit I *didn't* take with me!

Happy HNT!

Some random thoughts about our trip to NYC

It was

fun.

awesome.

disappointing.

incredibly sad.

incredibly beautiful.

life changing.

informative.

painful (both literally and emotionally)

So many emotions went through me in two very short days.  My favorite part of the whole weekend was the life changing moment, but I don't think I'm ready to share that with anyone yet.

My second favorite part was meeting Audacia Ray and discussing her recent trip to India.  

The sad part?  Walking to Ground Zero.  I visited NYC 17 years ago with my church group, and actually went to the observation deck at the top of one of the towers, and to see the huge hole left, both in the ground and in the skyline just made me want to cry.  I barely held it together for the five minutes I spent in the museum.

And then we went to Twisted Monk's rope class!  The switching between emotions was brutal.  I finally processed a bit on the plane home, and let the tears flow enough to let it out.  

I will never forget this past weekend, or the many awesome friends we've made.  

The "Lifestyle"

A few months ago, TMAME signed us up for the local swinger's Halloween party.  I was not really looking forward to this, did he not remember the New Years Eve party?  And every party we'd gone to prior?  Besides, we were going to NEW YORK CITY, just a week after Halloween!  But I said "I don't care" and "That's fine" and went along.

Now, there are two groups of swingers in our town.  There's the Nascar crowd, and there's the Smug Urban Hipster crowd.  And they're both fucked up in the head.

No one seems to have a secure enough relationship to actually show affection or flirt with someone not their spouse.  Everyone waits until 2am before they actually show any interest in having sex with you, and then it's just a big orgy.  Not that there's anything wrong with that...

But there's no real connection.  TMAME and I have a rule that has served us very well in the swinger lifestyle.  We only sleep with people that we could be friends with.  We won't necessarily be their friends, but the possibility *must* be there.  We just can't do random hook-ups without some sort of 'click' or spark between everyone. 

My friend KC put it very well over on his last blog post (yes, he needs to blog more, he's fucking brilliant, but he recently got himself married and is disgustingly happy with my best friend now): 

In the end though, it’s a meaningless distinction. Lots of married couples “play”, and without the need to create an exclusive “in crowd”. Fuck buddies? Common among single people. One night stands? Common as well. Funny, I don’t see much of it in the lifestyle crowd.

It didn’t become painfully obvious until I met a few people that really did swing. It was, hey, let’s have fun. Not, hey, let’s go to silly parties drink expensive martinis and pretend we are cool because we are secretly openly doing what so many other people are”.

So, at the end of the day, you have a group of people that like to brag about having fuck buddies and don’t do much else, and to me… well, that’s LAME.

In conclusion:  If you don't understand the awesomeness that is Dr. Horrible, well, you probably won't get our sense of humor.  (ONE fucking person out of two hundred knew who Captain Hammer was! ONE!)

Now we just need to get over our introvertness and get more involved in the kink community here.  It's gotta be way more fun.

Of Anal and Fisting...

So my friend Molly recently joined the A-team.  Now, I may not have grown up Mormon, but I did grow up in an equally conservative religion where sex before marriage and being a homosexual wasn't allowed.  Neither was smoking, but that's a different story.

To survive, I made myself think that all the things we weren't allowed to do were these horrible, awful things.  I never let myself even consider doing them, they were wrong and against nature.  And even though I left/got myself kicked out back before I met TMAME, it wasn't until after our first spawn was born that I mentally freed myself from those beliefs.

When you have to re-write the rules for your entire life-structure and belief system, you may as well re-write your sexual/marriage rules. 

So anyway, back to being on the A-team.  Even after figuring out that I L.O.V.E. playing with women, the anal area was completely off limits.  Until a friend happened to mention how much she loved it, and how she now understood why the gay boys couldn't get enough.

What?  It feels good for ME?  Huh.  So now I think about it, and casually mention it to TMAME, who, to his credit, doesn't jump up and down screaming with joy.  Good man I've got there, yes he is.

So we start playing around back there.  We ordered a Felix from our good friends Freddy & Eddy.  They also hooked us up with a very nice butt plug from Tantus.  It took us over three years to progress to the point where TMAME could actually insert his cock fully in my ass.  

And he only stayed in for about 10 seconds before I exploded in orgasm.  

Then, I got a Njoy Pure.  The day I received it, I was going over to Molly's for a sex toy party, so I had TMAME insert it before I went out.  I was so turned on and wet that I made myself orgasm on the drive over.  At night.  In the rain.  Did I mention I was driving?

So where does the fisting come in?  Well, I've been a fan of vaginal fisting for many many years.  It's something the TMAME and I have done several times in the ten (TEN!) years we've been together.  

Now, I'm not sure I'm stretchy enough for anal fisting, but listening to Matisse rapture on about it, and then Monk making a tweet about it yesterday, I was reminded of how much I love vag fisting, and hey, we haven't done that it a while!  But I wanted TMAME to cum in my ass...  Which should we do tonight?

Decisions, decisions.  

When no coins are around, do both!  

So that's how I managed to cum/explode last night, with a fist in my pussy and a Njoy Pure in my ass (keeping the cum from dripping out, I might add).

Good times.

Have you heard?

There's this party that TMAME and I are going to in TWO* WEEKS! 

Today, it was announced that THE Twisted Monk is going to throw a class on Saturday after the party!  

I've already reserved my spot...  

Can't wait to thank him personally for all the fun TMAME and I have had with his rope...

Happy HNT!

*edited because apparently I can't count...

Hi!

Miss me?  Yeah, me too.  Real life has been absolutely crazy, and it doesn't look like it's going to get any more sane than it is right now! 

So both of my kids are in school (well, one is in preschool) and I actually have time to myself (HA!).  Of course, Monk had to go and ask for photos for his website, so I've spent all my free time this week either being photographed or taking photographs.

I highly recommend tying up cute boys and taking pictures of them!

So for this week's HNT here's one of the extra pics we did:

Oh, and we've booked both our flight and our hotel room for the Calendar Launch Party in New York!  Can.not.wait!

It's Thursday!

Y'all know what that means, right?!  HNT!  

Last week we broke in all our new rope, but some how missed getting a picture of the girls.  Not that I was complaining, mind you!

If you're seriously jonesing for some boob-age, go check out Diva's post.  I know I'm drooling.

Post 100!

Holy crap!  I've made it to 100 posts on this blog!  And I'm WAY behind on a bunch of stuff.

First things first:

If you haven't heard about the New York City SexBloggers 2009 Calendar, you're missing out!  Some really awesome women are putting this together for Audacia Ray's Sex Work Awareness Project and it should be just as awesome as the women themselves.

Second, My Main Man and I get to attend a class taught by Midori!  I am SO very excited, and of course the first thing I did after registering was to order the expanded rope kit from Monk.  And it finally arrived in the mail today!  SQUEEEEEEE!

Isn't it pretty?!

And last, but certainly not least, I give you a lovely HNT for the week.

It's not quite the same as Tess' cleavage of the day, but it's my own personal version!  Hope you like!

totally out of the loop

I stole this quiz from THIS blog.  He didn't even tell me he had this blog, thought he'd let me find it on my own, the bastard.  (he's still the most awesomest man ever, though!)

Your result for The Sexual HELL Test...

HELL LEVEL 3

Raw score: 95%

 

There's a special place in Hell for you: the basement penthouse. You scored the nastiest possible score on the Sexual Hell Test. You have no sexual restraint whatsoever. You'll take pleasure however you can get it, and my guess is you get it a lot. If for some reason you don't right now, you will soon, as people in your category only tend to spiral down ever deeper into the abyss of carnality and delicious sin. Congratulations.


I, personally, think that this category is the best. Paradoxically enough, sexual liberation and indulgence can only bring you closer to purity.


AVOID: all but level 3 hellions like yourself. You wouldn't want to ruin anyone, now would you?

Take The Sexual HELL Test at HelloQuizzy

I rule!

taking care of our own

*I'm editing this post and leaving the important stuff up*

Sexual Freedom Defense and Education Fund:

www.sfldef.org

For those of us who live alternative lifestyles, this is a very important organization.  They deserve our support.
 
 

HHNT!

Finally!  A post!  An hnt post at that!  

Everyone remembers this post by the beautiful Diva, right?  I've been wanting some short skirts of my own, but with a small prince and an even smaller princess (the highnesses) it's hard to go shopping.  So Diva and I corresponded, I found new short skirts, and then she said I had to post pictures.  

So, for the lovely Diva, I give you the following (Happy HNT everyone!):